No, I didn't. You saw my first attempts. [The ones he'd been asking Helen's help with, before she'd basically turned him down.] And it was hardly like I was going to let some snot-nosed punks run the show.
[If things had worked to plan, maybe it would have worked out. As things stand however... it had been just as well that he'd had a failsafe the second time around.]
And the whole world was at war. For the second time. Can you really blame me for coming up with a death ray?
What? No, of course I don't. Everyone has a death ray design or two. I mean, who hasn't thought about how to harness inadvisable amounts of energy and focus them into a beam of pure destruction?
I mean, I'm sure there have to be some people? But honestly, I suspect most people have at least thought of it at some point, even if they haven't gotten quite so far as to actually try making it.
Ha ha, I should tell you about mine sometime. Fiddleford McGucket and I spent a whole week in undergrad trying to put together a viable prototype. But, then it was finals week, and what with one thing and another we didn't actually get it working until junior year.
[He did submit a bunch of patents to the US government in 2013. It's not hard to believe that in a few years Fiddleford would be famous in the scientific community. And even if he and Tesla aren't from the same version of Earth, Ford has been in parallel universes where Fiddleford became a respected inventor. If he exists in Tesla's, it's quite possible they have crossed paths.
[For just a moment Tesla sounds just as surprised as Ford might have been, before he realizes where the misinterpretation must have been.]
No, no, not at all.
[Which could just be due to the fact that his 'present' is a year or two before when Fiddleford would have submitted those patents, but even past that, Tesla hasn't really heard of universes cross-pollinating that way before.]
[Ford gives a shrug. On the one hand, defend Fiddleford McGucket at all costs, he's flawless and brilliant and pure. On the other, his weird Southern-isms, while charming, remain one of life's great mysteries.]
[It's still a very strange name, mind. But to be perfectly honest, Tesla isn't really terribly familiar with Southern naming conventions. Sure, it sounds odd. But that doesn't necessarily mean it isn't too far out of the ordinary by the standards of where Fiddleford happens to be from.
Not that Tesla quite gets around to admitting as much. Instead, his communicator sends another series of videos, oneaftertheother]
[...that is a lot of information to take in. Luckily, that's something Ford Pines does very well. Processing his feelings about it is another matter. Goodness, what do you say in the face of...well, all that?]
I'm going to assume you didn't mean to send me two videos of you being impaled, one of defenestration, and one describing how you fell asleep in Edison's electric chair.
[There's a brief moment of silence, and then Tesla swears, violently and in Serbian. Which is probably answer enough, but a moment later he speaks up again.]
No. No, I didn't. Although I suppose this is probably a good time to mention that part of being a vampire is accelerated healing?
You were absolutely right about selling that patent to Edison. He was ruthless, dishonest, and unimaginative. You never should have given him the time of day, much less designs for a superweapon.
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[Playfully:]
--it seems a little antithetical to a death ray.
Or maybe it's the very definition of one.
[More soberly:]
You never succeeded, then.
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[If things had worked to plan, maybe it would have worked out. As things stand however... it had been just as well that he'd had a failsafe the second time around.]
And the whole world was at war. For the second time. Can you really blame me for coming up with a death ray?
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[He says this with no irony whatsoever.]
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[Look, he's no stranger to unusual names, but that one's unusual even by his standards, and that's saying a lot.]
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[Ford completely misinterprets the surprise.]
You've heard of him?
[He did submit a bunch of patents to the US government in 2013. It's not hard to believe that in a few years Fiddleford would be famous in the scientific community. And even if he and Tesla aren't from the same version of Earth, Ford has been in parallel universes where Fiddleford became a respected inventor. If he exists in Tesla's, it's quite possible they have crossed paths.
...even if the idea makes him a touch jealous.]
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[For just a moment Tesla sounds just as surprised as Ford might have been, before he realizes where the misinterpretation must have been.]
No, no, not at all.
[Which could just be due to the fact that his 'present' is a year or two before when Fiddleford would have submitted those patents, but even past that, Tesla hasn't really heard of universes cross-pollinating that way before.]
It's just... his parents actually named him that?
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[Ford gives a shrug. On the one hand, defend Fiddleford McGucket at all costs, he's flawless and brilliant and pure. On the other, his weird Southern-isms, while charming, remain one of life's great mysteries.]
He's from Tennessee.
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[It's still a very strange name, mind. But to be perfectly honest, Tesla isn't really terribly familiar with Southern naming conventions. Sure, it sounds odd. But that doesn't necessarily mean it isn't too far out of the ordinary by the standards of where Fiddleford happens to be from.
Not that Tesla quite gets around to admitting as much. Instead, his communicator sends another series of videos, one after the other]
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I'm going to assume you didn't mean to send me two videos of you being impaled, one of defenestration, and one describing how you fell asleep in Edison's electric chair.
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No. No, I didn't. Although I suppose this is probably a good time to mention that part of being a vampire is accelerated healing?
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[A beat.]
You were absolutely right about selling that patent to Edison. He was ruthless, dishonest, and unimaginative. You never should have given him the time of day, much less designs for a superweapon.
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I'm not sure I'd really call it a superweapon? The basic concept is similar to an LRAD. But I agree otherwise.
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